Well, just as always, a lot of things have changed for the negative and need improving in my life. The first thing that I can think of is that I am not as neat and tidy as I used to be. Before school started about this time last year, I kept my room tidily organized. As the year passed, I seemed to care less and less about how neat my room was and began to get lazy, throwing books and papers everywhere when I would get caught up in my schoolwork. I am currently working on keeping my room neat, and I have been blessed with some family members who help remind me to keep tidy (thanks Sarah, Anna, and Mother!).
The second thing which has changed is my mindset on schoolwork. As I went through the last school year, I began to become a little more lenient on myself about what I needed to learn. I still had a hunger to learn and understand things like Chemistry, which is important to me, but I didn’t pay as much attention to other subjects. I viewed English and Physics classes as a means to a common end – a Bachelor’s degree – rather than as useful tools in my education. This change is frustrating, and I hope that I will be able to focus more on learning than performing in these classes.
The next thing that has changed for the worse was covered in my last blog post. I have oftentimes been focused on works – things like making good grades, making good impressions, reading the bible regularly, and serving in church – as being very important. I have come to this realization and am consciously trying to get rid of this mindset, but it is hard. This is one of the things that I don’t necessarily think about when I do, but is a subconscious thought process. I want things to be about how good I am and what I can do, rather than accepting God’s grace. This is a constant struggle.
Number four regards my treatment of others, especially my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have gotten to the point where I am very critical and judgmental of others. Most of the time, I tend to judge others in areas of personal conviction, rather than blatant sin. If I see someone doing something that would lead me astray or redirect my vision from Christ, I judge them and assume that they are doing something wrong. Before we moved to Colorado, I didn’t have a big problem with this, but now I am overly negative and concerned with the outward appearance of people’s actions rather than their works.
The last change in my life for the worse that immediately comes to mind is my neglect of my musical instruments. I have not set a good example over the last year for my younger sisters, who both play instruments. I have not regularly practiced any instrument except the piano. When I think of how many instruments I have the privilege of owning, I die a little bit inside. Not really, but you get my point ;)
Well, I have finally finished this post that I dreaded. I hate writing about myself, and of course my pride tells me that it’s not a good thing to publish an article about my shortcomings on the World Wide Web. But I think that it is a useful tool for all of my readers (not that there are really that many). It will help you all to know how you can pray for me. And I really want and need that prayer.
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